To be a Father

It's a rainy Sunday. My wife and 10-day old daughter fell asleep on the couch half way through "Kung Fu Panda". I've since shut the TV off and now as I type this I watch them in quiet awe. If I understand the concept of pathetic irony correctly, it's usually reserved for those moments of sadness whilst the rain pours down, some sort of comfort for the downhearted. I dunno, I think maybe there's something beautiful in the moment and not just for the depressed. Maybe it can apply to a sudden and most welcome change in a man's life as he watches his sleeping family, and the rain pours down. It's one of those moments I wish I could live in forever. The moment when my life has perfect balance. I'm not thinking about my debt, my job, the piles of laundry sitting on the basement floor, there's just balance.

For those who know me they'll tell you I'm not the bragging kind but I've done some pretty incredible things in my life. I've ridden horseback, the wind on my face as it blew across the sands of the western desert of Africa, I've walked alone along the canals of Amsterdam, I've stood atop of the World Trade Center weeks before they fell, I've stood inside the burial chamber of Khufu at the center of the Great Pyramid in Egypt, but in all sincerity and honesty becoming a father means more to me than 1,000 adventures. Never before have I experienced total enrichment and wealth of heart that is becoming a father.

People used to tell me that when they had their first child their life was changed in an instant. I really never knew what they meant, or maybe just never believed them. How can a life change in an instant? You're still the same person, with the same job, with the same friends. But then it's not all about you. You change from being focused on yourself and the inner workings of your life to an outward perspective on the new life that is now yours. I'm just speaking solely from my own thoughts and experience of course but all of the truly important things in my life became clear to me the moment my daughter was born, my whole future laid out before me in her first breath of air. I'm not doing things just for myself anymore I'm doing them for my family. It's funny that I've never used the word "family" when describing my own household. Hell, I've never used the word "household" either. See, it's true, instant change.

I think what it means to be a father is what it means to generally be a good person; be a good listener, be patient, don't be quick to judge and be watchful. I don't care if it takes her a thousand years to grow up. I'm happy dragging out this moment as long as I can.